Tuesday, March 13, 2012

There is Only Right Now!

Seasons change and people shift.
I know in my last post I stated things of happyness and sadness and evaluation on my life.
I'm now even prouder to say I have furthered making happier days for myself.
I have re connected with a good old friend of mine who I missed dearly.
Also found out a LOT and I do mean a lot of key factors on why we didn't communicate sooner,
Some good some bad and some just unbelievable and messed up, but the end result is we have been bonding and I don't know how it makes her feel maybe it makes us feel the same way all I know is I'm not a sick fucked up person any more. I may still be damaged and have issues but those are my own and I don't hash out that onto other people any more so its a super wonderful feeling to me that I was able to rekindle a bond with someone from my past I admired so much, I do admit I was a horrible person to this said person and we had some good hashings on eachother and the whole ordeal could have only went two ways. I ended up contacting her and suprisingly she reached her hand out to me and accepted me back into her life.
It was so overwhelming I can't even begin to explain all I can say is I was not expecting such kindness at all and I wouldn't have blamed her for noot being kind, but she was and its been beautiful!
She threw a party and I made my infamous jello shots and everyone ended up bailing out on us.
I think it was supposed to happen that way it gave us a chance to just babble about everything and laugh and be funny nerds and bronys.
She even brought me to tears with her squishyness and I have been so enthralled with more joy its unbelievable.

I feel more so with each passing day that I'm becomming more whole and more myself than I ever was.
I'm finally living and it feels great.

I have a wonderful boyfriend and girlfriend
I made a few new friends who are outstanding
I rekindled old friendships but its still new because we are changed people and all for the better.

I still don't have a job but that will change when the time is right there is a reason for why I havnt gotten one yet... tho truthfully I don't know why... I put in the effort but all I can think is its just not my time *shrugs*

Aside from the job issue I would have to say everything else in my life has been unfolding beautifully.
A few flaws here and there but its nothing major and its not devistating.

I see nothing more lately than a bright future ahead!

I feel so lucky to have what I have and to have gained so much from life.

I may not be charlie sheen but I still feel like I'm winning!

Thank you all who have entered my life and have bonded with me and have re bonded with me and have made me feel like a happy living human being.
Thank you for letting me into your lifes and showing you that I have a lot to offer to the people that matter and I care for most in life!
2012 just keeps looking up and it brings a smile to my face!

I honestly hope everyone can have and be as lucky as me!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Like new, like old, things are different now

So its been a long while since I have made a post....
All things aside there have been so many changes in my life and I couldn't be any happier.
If it weren't for certain "unfortunate" events I would have never found myself and gained as much admiration as I have now.
I have loved ones supporting my decisions and motivating me to continue my affairs in the art field.
Without their encouragement I would have given up on what I once thought were half assed unrepaired unachievable "goals."
I now know much better than to sell myself short, specially when I have such wonderful people in my life who have brought out the best in me when I thought I lost the best things about me.
It now has been a year for me full of changes and discoveries, including but not limited to better relationships with others and myself, the right to love and not be afraid of loving, babys, birth, self expression,ect.

This past year I delt with hardships losses, gain, maturity, and growth.
All things that everybody experiences in their life on a daily basis, but for me it was hard.

I broke constricting chains of oppression that left me feeling like I never wanted to share my heart with any one ever again.
Then I met my fate,
While I was in my past relationship we all know about the last year I spent feeling lost sad scared and empty...
I started having dreams about a person who was my soulmate my perfect match my equal.
He was everything to me he became my inner life, funny how upon being accused of cheating from some view point I was but he was just stuck in my head, my astral plane, the dreams..
Then it felt like everything was pulling me away pleading for me to break free from this turmoils grip that still held a thin string wrapped around my heart.
With my dream it gave me strength to cut the cord.
And then it happened those dreams felt so real, I could swear they were I started to draw this dream man, and then when I simply needed one night out away not attached to my hindrance, the breather that changed my life.
I missed a few friends from my past and so I reconnected,
And in one night I realized in theory my dream was real...
Last dream I had with my dream confidant, my internal diary, my lover, my comfort.
I remember telling this dream that I was going to a party and I might not be asleep by "normal" time...
All he said is it didn't matter because he would be there and it would be alright.
Scary thing is he was now reality.
My angel who broke my bonds to sadness.

With that everything rolled smoothly into rebirth.

I found my soul sister, the most wonderful person in the world.
Through her I experienced the joys people can offer.
We delt with a lot of grieving and spiritual cleansing.
We grew together and have been building our bonds.
Without her I would have never gotten my inner strength back.
We got tattoos together, one of the only bonds to another person I will ever do.
Its funny that we had the same complaints about stupid people and getting matching tattoos,
Yet that's the first one I got.
I'll never regret it due to the love I have for her, and tho she is gone on her own journeys through life, when I miss her company she is always with me and I'm with her.
Drunken nights funny events that you would have had to been there to even understand.

I have also found more love in the two people closest to me in my life.
If it weren't for them I would have stayed single.
They have been supportive and caring, and so much more I can't even put it into words.
They have made me feel more wonderful than I have ever felt in my life.
And the addition they brought into this world,i have never seen such a wonderful thing in my life.
So cute, so vibrant, so adorable.
She made me rethink my whole view on kids.
Its amazing how something so little and un aware of what's going on can change a whole persons view on life.
Before her I never wanted to dance with the possibility of ever having kids...
It used to be if I want kids I'll adopt.
I still might but I'm not as scared to maybe one day have a child of my own.
Silly little things.

So yeah that's where I'm at now.

Also am creating music making wigs...like full on making not just buying weft and sewing a weave, making my own weft and wigs, selling the occasional art, crafting like crazy, making a comic that I want to release before the end of the year.
Making costumes for people.
Doing so much and all thanks to motivational people in my life.
everything is perfect.

I'll have to update more when I get more art done I'll have to post about it and share sample previews of my comic.
I think we will all be happy with it.
I cant wait!
I'll also have to share my music with you as well.
stay tuned kiddies.
Its gonna be good!

Blog Widget by LinkWithin