Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Visual

I'm unclear if this is going to be a blog type post or just some rambelings as of the current mood I'm in...
I guess I just feel like typing up some stuffs who really knows... who really cares...
ummm I guess its just some food for thought or just a mental view point on standing grounds nd what not... truthfully it beats me what I'm gonna say I just feel like screaming to the world or at least to a small group of listeners,

whateer way you look at it its just a mood and a setting.

Try and step back and look at a bigger picture life is a long har road filled with many faultsand crossroads thatone will have to encounter throughout ones journey to the better points in life.

we all have our ups and our downs but in the end they are just momentairy things nothing but yourself is ever truely permanant.
on that note I think its best that people stay true to themselves no matter how much someone else might dissagree with their views, we are individuals and as such we all have different personas and qualitys that contribute to a greater cause weather we know it or not.

I ave come also to the conclusion that people struggeling for acceptane are ridiculed every day for what they want to stand for and or what they believe is right.

maybe the world would be a much happier place for everyone with problems if they didnt have to suffer such stref.

I'll admit I didnt help any causes in the past by ostrasizing certain people for my views and how they didnt want to understand them, I have realized so much over the last 3 years that I feel I have been more accepting of alot of faults in people and the human race, its not my fault people have bad choices in life and i shouldnt be so quick to go on a tangent when 1 its not my place and 2 someone wants to ignore advice of anything helpful to better ones self.

on that note I have decided that in order to maintain balance and equality and being judged myself is just the way of life and its what humans are programmed to do.
its a default mechanisim with everyone and well I can accept said faults its just life.

I know I'm personally sorry and really truely in regret for alot of jacked up choices I have made in my tween years but its not so much a deturant of whats happening now more of each step in life is a learning experience and its what you takewith you from each that guides you to a better being... if your willing to change that is... some arnt so willing to have this realization and or like to ridicule and slander others names just to save face...

in the end its similar to the bullying that goes on with everyone fo any type of thing, be if your gay, straight, have green hair, like to cosplay, have ambitions, are antisocial ect.

alot of fiews in the world are jacked up and really quick to judge based on outer appearances of others... to simply judge without knowing is verry hypercrytical and bias and is infact wrong on alot of levels...
but everyone has done it be it on a large scale or a small scale its still happening.

I try my hardest to not be said hypocrite due to I have had similar experiences with what people go through in these circumstances and if I havnt exactly walked a mile in their shoes I'm at least willing to listen and learn for the btter of self preservation.

I ave pretty much lived my whole life with the internet as a resource to channel in and out feedback between all likes of people and self expression to a certain extent is shunned down on in this culture.

I'm not saying everyone is right and I'm not saying everyone is wrong i just think we all need to start opening up more and not keep looking at the faults of others to make yourself feel better.

theres no difference when someone takes a stand without knowing the person and only hearing bad imput thats just not the way life should work but its what happens.

people that know me know me well I tend not to falter from my path and wll even tho I try not to I know theres times where I do but again its only human but I shouldnt be shunned for it we all make mistakes some bigger than others.

I think what I want to get at is to be more accepting and understanding to everyones feelings, peoplethat dont want to understand or immediately think oh said so and so is emo or lable it are just programmed to automatically become a trolling person and not care what has been stated in the words or eyes of another person.

when in copeing its really hard to handle an onlaught of emotions specially when all you ever hear is negative slander, why not take a step back and actually see what was going on to lead to said predicament.
instead of continuing the hurt why not try and heal with what needs to be spoken about?

hell it doesnt even matter if one is blunt or brutally honest as long as it doesnt affect the outcome of some sort of helpful words of wisdom instead of feeding on the hate...

i have come to the conclusion that the ones doing all the bashing also live in some insecure world that haunts their mind and arnt able to just step back a second and just let someone vent and or express themselves and just adgitate an already angry/sad individual...
thats not how it should be at all if someone is asking for help its not that they are asking to be ridiculed or shunned for what they feel,
its an ongoing thing in life today and chances are it wont ever really change.

to just bring some sort of peace and harmony to a situation vs feeding it more negativity can not only save lifes of others but maybe even open their eyes,
we all have moments of weakness and its not the best choice when someone verbally attacks one thats in such a state be them 13 or 56...

it changes not the matter that maybe someone out there can actually express feelings on the subjects that arnt so brash and harmful to ones mental pattern instead slowly ease the mind into a better wave of thinking.

you can always lead a horse to water but it doesnt mean they will drink.
some cases they rather just dehydrate and die than continue on.

thats when the doors close and so does all the feeling of good in a person slowly starts to die, willpower is only so strong when given the enviornment theyhave lived in be it a good happy place or the rough streets of a mean cuty.

I guess I woke up this morning thinking about alot ofthings and how people react to certain things some not so good others maybe really helful.

but the end result is if you cant say something nice dont bother saying anything at all.

you can just keep it to yourself and think what you want but it doesnt mean you should use the other party as a whipping post for amusement or to see if another person will crack and do something regretful later...
in the end if thats how you want to live life maybe the person snapping shouldnt feel remorse at all seeing as whoever pushed them to that edge has the full blame for getting them to that point in life vs trying to have an outstretced hand.

no one ever said life is easy but it doesnt mean we have to fight against the grain the whole way and create un needed violence or warfare without better understandings.

just some views of some wandering things on my mind.
nothing more nothing less...
feelings pass and you tend to try and grasp onto better understandings if they are in fact reachable...

step back for a moment now and breathe go out and take pictures of something beautiful in life and you can look back at it later and it can bring a smile to your face hell create something big go outside your norm and sculpt something paint draw do whatever it is that gets you out of a funk vs trying to fule a flame try to extinguish it and grow into something better than what you are right now.
theres always time to learn new things we constantly learn on a daily basis so why not just step back and learn and breathe in some air and live a more happy life... its not really that hard but its also not super easy,
much like alot of wonderful things in life it all takes time and determination.

dont expect over night results start small and work your way up, who knows you might actually enjoy what you have done.



Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Life As We Know It And Then Some...

There has come a portion a big huge chunk actually of myself that has given up on a big percentage of humans to be more precise...

with that being said the last 2 weeks have been a real big eye opener for me there has been so much shit i have found out and ended up doing and exploring life.

I'm no longer with my now ex and its forever staying that way... we had way too many problems and i just needed out...
funny enough i guess everyone that hates his guts has a meeting at walmart and everything turns out Alex never stole anything that he said they did and this now explains why he never went to the cops over the shit... and apparently there's written documents saying he gave Alex's mom the laptop for 300 bux and even signed an agreement stating such and the same goes for his car.
honestly i'm just flabbergasted on this whole topic I tried my hardest and slaved for him to go the right path and in the end i wanted to kill myself rather than put up with that shit all over again...

recently if we all pay attention to my face book I have a new boo that has actually opened my eyes to alot of interesting things in life hes the best thing that has ever brightened my dismal outlook on life, he came into the picture just as i was cutting the final cords of pain and hate from the other one... slightly bad timing i must admit but he helped me through it and was really supportive I have never met such a kind hearted person in my life...
okay maybe a few but hes just so sweet he gives me cavity's XD

mom pretty much forced me to go to my buddy Trey's birthday party and that's where I met Matt another good friend of mine Julie and her hubby Aaron invited Matt to this party and shit was it the best choice in life i have ever made.
even funnier is i had an on going dream for the last 6+ months with him in it but he had a lime green cyber goth Mohawk... turns out Matt was sporting the lime green Mohawk all the way up till a week before Trey's birthday shindig XD
so that was totally strange as heck XD and that's not including the fact Trey loves to have lingerer party's so i was dressed as a belly dancer and Matt was in boxers XD

we were just chatting after steff got me completely shit faced on whiskey and some sort of rum XD whatever the case may be Matt was getting flogged to death with a "slut" paddle and so i had to save him he was in pain lol I guess it pays off playing superhero which is odd cuz normally it doesn't pay off I got lucky ^_^
even better is we had a super awesome chat and he introduced me to a new happier way to look at furies and made me realize i'm indeed a fur which has been the best experience of my life!
WARNING: if your quick to judge a lifestyle your not open minded and are insecure with who you are as a person.
we are not like what you see on CSI we are a really happy fun loving group of people that are very artistic and know the simple joys in life.

much like any other view of a culture there are some sick twisted types out there that are of not good to be around but i would have to say even the creepy furs arnt as creepy or as threatening as a rapist.

so Matt has made me think alot and i do mean ALOT.
I got my first tail made 3 days ago its a deep purple cat tail that looks cuddly and cute as heck so it gets done and my good friend shrimp said that i looked so natural and cozy with my tail and ears and just the whole fur set up of things like the best extension of my being finally out stretches to the better visual now its wonderful.

he recently asked me out at our fur meets Halloween party ^_^ it was the cutest thing ever he looks like a living anime character its adorable :3

okay I'm done being squishy I'm just glad to finally have some happy feelings and positive reinforcement in my life he has even managed to make me quit smoking I'm free from a nasty habit and its all thanks to the positive surroundings my life has taken a turn to thank god D:

I'll further more update you guys later as of now im gonna ask Matt to get me all set up to play LOL with him so I'll talk at ya all later


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